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Cricket’s Halloween

October 31, 2010

The ICC gets a new official in it’s panel for organizing the World Test Championship when N Srinivasan and Co. kiss and make up with Lalit Modi. We get the McDonald’s Lunch, the Tetley Tea Break, the Competition Success Review Competitive Draw, the Twitter Follow On, the Docomo Declaration and the Indiabulls Innings Victory.

India successfully bring their performance across all formats to the same level. Unfortunately that level is of their current T20 international form, not their Test form.

Australia captain Ricky Ponting hits the form Sachin’s in right now. He does better because, as we learn, he always was better. He goes on to play till he wins three Ashes in England and four Border-Gavaskar trophies in India as captain,  forcing it to be renamed as the Ponting Excellence Cup, needless to say he obliterates all of Sachin’s records.

In the West Indies, the WIPA believes it has a strong case since everyones following the suit of Chris Gayle, Dwayne Bravo and Kieron Pollard by refusing central contracts. The WICB defers to think so. They agree to hold a meeting to decide what the situation is but they can’t agree on which officials will meet and where. The saga continues.

Sri Lanka have coupons from their last visit to India so they don’t have to worry about how long they’ll be staying where so they manage to schedule two more tours with a few tri-series thrown in the next one year. You know, before the coupons expire.

England’s victory in the upcoming Ashes comes solely due to the brilliant all-round efforts of Stuart fucking Broad. His place in the team is guaranteed for atleast a decade. He pulls off a Freddie consoling Lee at Edgbaston thing by consoling Mitchell Johnson at Melbourne because of which his sportsmanship is never to be questioned again. Utter failure Graeme Swann is banished to obscurity.

Bangladesh decide they’ve already done much better in the first year of this decade than they did in the entire previous decade. Since too much of a good thing is a bad thing, they decide to take it slow, bringing back Ashraful who takes them back to the comfortable memories of lesser expectations.

New Zealand’s Daniel Vettori retires. Brendon McCullum takes over as Captain-in-general and decides to implement the multiple captain theory. Ross Taylor is made batting captain (offside shots), Jacob Oram is fitness captain, Nathan McCullum is the bowling captain, Jesse Ryder is the lifestyle coach and everyone is fielding captain (specialist at their positions).

South Africa’s back-end team arrives at a stunning conclusion after studying the correlations between the successes of Jacques Kallis and Graeme Smith and their bodyweight. All the players, right from the under-14s, are made to Jacques up. England stops import.

I can run my mouth but chances are Pakistan’ll probably top that in real life. Even if I say all the players, some agents, Ijaz Butt and a few parliamentarians will contract genital viral warts. From one another.

And here’s a scary picture to end with. I call it “Pimpin ain’t pimpin ain’t easy man

this could be a good thing or bad thing

ICC International Cricketer of the Year

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